3 and a half weeks

well it is august. that means school starts back and i get to go see joe! i have 3 and a half weeks until i get to see him graduate. i miss him like crazy. the other day A asked about him i told her he was still at work and she just sat on my lap and cried. it broke my heart. she will walk around with my phone with a picture of him pulled up on it and makes people kiss dada. its adorable. i cant wait until we can finally start life. i feel like we have kinda been just existing and surviving the last couple years. with him making so little and living with my mom. now we will be all on our own in our own house with our own everything and i am so proud of him for doing this for us and our country. we fin ally get to move away and get away from all this and the reminders of all the crap we have been through with all the bad memories. we finally get to move on start over where no one knows our past doesnt expect us to be a certain way. we get to just be us. i am finally free of all the crap i hold back because it might not be how they think i am. i dont have to hold back on telling people things about how im going to raise aubrey. its so freeing. this month makes me realize how different my life would have been without brittany showing me how there are so many other ways to live life and not to just do what "normal" people do. i have never been normal so why parent like that. i am so happy with my choice to unschool i cant even remember a time when i thought school was awesome for her. she needs to live life and love life. my motto is live free and that is what i will teach A and how i want her to live. i will be reminded of it everyday when i get it tattooed on my foot soon. life seriously is good and im so happy with how things are turning out. even if no one visits me when i move away because apparently a lot of my family isnt planning on it. that is oka. if you dont want to visit fine. you dont have to see how awesome of a life i am making on my own. not like you care about my life as it is when you live 10 min away. i am moving foward with life and not letting people or things hold me back. i am a new brandi who doesnt hold grudges and is just happy. if you dont want to be apart of that fine. i have 2 friends i know will always be there for me and make time for me. i dont have to worry about them i know they will stay in touch and visit us when they can. that is all that matters to me. they will be the hardest to leave anyways. some of my family will honestly not bother me if they dont talk to me or visit ever. i dont want them to start being fake just because i moved away.

will it get easier?

Well they say its supposed to get easier with time to deal without joe being here but it doesnt. It seems to get harder. I hardly sleep and I feel sicker everyday.  :/ i wish it didnt suck so bad. Sometimes I just want to cry no stop. I haven't cried in a while but I always want to. I dont know how to deal with it and make myself feel better. Idk why I feel like this. I know he is fine. I know this is what's best for our family. I know everything but I just get worse everyday.  Why cant time go faster and it be time to move to base? I dont feel like it will ever let up. Like I will just get worse and worse as time goes on.  I know I need to be strong for Aubrey but its really hard sometimes.  I think its getting harder because I have not come to terms with the fact he isnt going to be home for a while.  It was easier to pretend like he isnt gone for so long and I could talk to him like he was just at work or the gym but not being able to talk to him at all is hard. Maybe I will get a letter soon. And that may help idk. I need something to figure out though

homeschooling

I need to vent about people's views on homeschooling. It has been driving me crazy lately. I will homeschool Aubrey. I am proud of that fact. It will be hard work for me but I feel I am the best person to teach her.

It's okay for me to teach her until she is 5 but not good enough to teach her other things? She is my daughter I know her best. How she learns, how she is, when she learns best, what she wants to learn. All things I know and not some random person who just met her. No, I don't think homeschooling is the best way for everyone. So why would you push that regular school is best for everyone. She is my kid I know her best.

You telling me I am stupid for homeschooling is not only making you look really rude but makes me even more determined to show you how awesome it is and how much she can actually learn with me. There isn't only one way for someone to learn. All kids need different things so why can't one succeed in school and one not?

I seriously hate the socialization argument. I want to punch people who say that. Kids make friends before age 5 and after age 18 how can they not do it between those ages? Do they suddenly become incapable of it? She will just get a head start on socialization with people not exclusively her age. Since when is only being able to socialize during school the only way to do it. When I was in school I got in trouble for talking but maybe that has changed since I was in school (3 years ago).

They can't learn with you at home. Since when is 32:1 better for learning than 1:1? I'm not really sure how that works but I forgot I'm stupid so I guess that's why it doesn't make sense. I get it homeschooling isn't for everyone but this is just my opinion. This is why I think it's best for my family it doesn't have to be best for yours but you don't have to bash me because of my choices. That's just it my choices. I do not bash you for sending your kids off to school. Even though I could that just isn't how I am. Let's just agree to disagree and stop the name calling. It's unnecessary and rude. So why do it? I guess it's my stupidity talking thinking people can be like that but again that's just me.

just left.

Well Joe just left for basic a week ago. It was really hard but I have 2 good friends that help me a lot. They mean so much to me. Being an army wife is something that is new to me growing up I never thought I would want that but it's something that I actually love the idea of now. It's hard to be away from him for me but also our daughter since she is such a daddy's girl. I honestly wouldn't change it if I could. It's got me thinking about what would happen if someone happened to Joe though. He is the supporter of our family. I have always wanted to be a teacher but because of a certain sister in law I have all that has changed. She has made me think and change all that I believed. I don't like the school system and all that you have to go through in it. I plan on unschooling Aubrey. That is so not anything like being a teacher. Lol my world view has changed for the better but now I have to figure out a new back up plan. It's a scary thing. I have to be the one to teach her everything and if she doesn't do well it's all on me. It's also wonderful because I get to know exactly what she learns how she learns and all that. I'm not really sure what I am getting to I'm just rambling at this point. Eventually I will learn to blog better but for now my rambling is over.

dealing with a crazy family

i seriously just dont even know what to say to my family anymore. all they do is stress me out and make me crazy. i was talking with my uncle john the other day and he was telling me that the reason he stays at the shop that he works at so much is that he has nothing to come home to. i wanted to get up and punch him! he has 4 kids and my sister his fiancee at home! just because my sister is annoying ( lord know i know how annoying she is) does not mean you have nothing to come home to. you can go home not talk to her and just play with your children. he asked me one day why i didnt have the tv on and i said i was playing with aubrey (my daughter) and he said that was dumb. how the hell is me not watching tv and playing with my daughter dumb. he also said that the tv was his second favorite baby sitter. ugh! even atfer all this he says my husband is the bad dad! im sorry but you amy have been a dad longer but he doesnt stay at work because he has nothing to come home to and he has a car that can fit all his kids. it drives me crazy that john isnt bothered by the fact that he does not have a cat that he can drive all his children around in. my sister told me i was stupid because i want to homeschool and john said much worse things. i just do not get why my family has to down everything everyone does. can they seriously just not support all of us? my other sister, nina, drives me crazy too because she is preg and working because her baby dad has seizures and cant work. its not like no one has ever had a job and had seizures. i just really needed to vent.

how to deal with family

i have no clue how to handle them. i dont want to keep my daughter away from her family but man none of them pretty much are good examples for her. i cant trust anything most of what they say. i hate how most of them act. some will just try to smoke pot right in front of her. i cant believe the level of disrespect they have for me and how i feel about things. i just dont want her around most of them. they cuss like sailors and do not censor around the children. they are the most judgmental people i have ever met. they are super 2 faced. i just seriously dont know what to do. they do not respect me enough to not do these things around her. even if i asked they would just bash me like crazy. thats something else. they bash every decision i make. i just dont need that kind of people in my life but they are my family so i cant disown them. i just wish it was easier. this is just driving me crazy. im racking my brain  for solutions but i cant think of anything. i love them but they are seriously nothing like how i hope my  daughter turns out to be.

Christmas 2013

so Christmas was yesterday and we are just so lucky. i know a lot of people do not get a lot of things and i am so grateful to all our families and all they got for us. i am currently on my computer my mom got me. i love it so much. i also got some money from my mil and sil and a big bang theory tee shirt from my little brother. joe got tools from my mom and money from his brother and mom and from my little brother he got an axe gift set. Aubrey racked up! she got so many awesome toys! her Christmas eve present was a couch that my nieces had and they loved so i had to get her one. we also got her a stationary car, a steering wheel, a body parts bear, and i feel like im missing something else. lol. our families got her a baby doll, a toy the projects stars on the roof (i forgot the name), a jacket, a cool orchestra toy, bath boat, bath crayons, tablets that change her bath water, an awesome play phone, read with me violet, a guitar. i guess thats it. im probably missing something but i have an awful memory. i am so grateful for everything.

we have decided that for chrismas every year we are going to ask aubrey to donate something to other children. we see how kids are and they are all about what do i get and they do not understand how lucky they are to even get one thing. i dont want my daughter to be like that. i want her to help people and not be self centered or feel entitled. my whole family (yes even i used to be that way) is like that and i feel terrible for how i was to my mom thinking i should get everything. i want so much more for her than what i have done. i am very proud of the kid she is becoming. she is only 19 months so idk how she will actually be but i am proud of what i see so far. i think i am doing well so far as her mom. no matter how many family members want to bash me. i just always try to think about what is best for her and our family. as much as i hate that they bash everything i do i could careless. i am doing what is best for her.

these are some christmas pics

so silly in her christmas dress

her car im in love with

her new couch